My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
