maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
