She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
