Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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