When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
