Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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