So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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