yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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