oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
3 2 1 whiskey
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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