ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
