hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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