My liver just broke up with me...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
