I can tuck mytits in my pants
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
