so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
