i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
