sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
