i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
