my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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