I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
