She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
