There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
