Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
