How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
