Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
