ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
