I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
