I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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