I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
