WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
