Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
