Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
