I can tuck mytits in my pants
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
