hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
