It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
