I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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