Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
