I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
