I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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