"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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