Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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