just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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