i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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