My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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