I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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