I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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