sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
