my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
