Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
