You're completely useless in the revolution.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think I sprained my soul last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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