How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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