I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
