One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
