Pants 0. Shit 1.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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