I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think i got beer on your cat.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
