I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
