I think I am morally bankrupt
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
