I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
