talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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