Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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