I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
