So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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