awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There are leaves in my underwear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
