sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
