she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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