I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
