I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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